A Woman is a Forcefield. And Yet, She Apologizes Too Often.

February 06, 2017

A Woman is a Forcefield. And Yet, She Apologizes Too Often.


Dedicated to all the lady-warriors, we adore you.
Now cut the apologies, you look great without them.

When we say apologies, we’re talking about two kinds. The first kind is said too often. The second is felt too often--it’s the insecurity we feel about our decisions, our priorities, our emotions, our bodies, our age, our personalities. It’s the culmination of all the micro-moments of self-doubt that run through our daily thoughts.

Can they see my back fat...they’re going to know I have back fat!

Was I too honest about my opinion today...they’re going to think I’m too aggressive.  

I’m not telling them my age….they’re going to wonder why I’m still single.

I’m not telling them my age...they’re going to doubt my capabilities.

I’m not  telling anyone I spent all my money on Uber.

I’m not telling anyone I can’t afford Ubers.

I’m so upset right now...they’re going to think I’m too emotional.  

I’m going for my second bag of oreos...they’re going to think I didn’t even need the first bag.

Do I look like I tried too hard to look good at work today...they’re going to think I’m dumb if I look too pretty.

That’s you. That’s us. That’s the female treadmill of self-doubt. But we have two messages for the Goblin of Self-Doubt.

The first is that when we remove unnecessary apologies from our thoughts and our vocabulary, something magical happens. We’re telling you lady-warriors, it’s liberating to replace a feeling of insecurity with the statement “I unapologize for ______.” It is uplifting to thank someone for their kindness rather than apologize for our perceived weakness. Here’s the truth: you want what you want, you feel what you feel, and that’s okay.  

So, let’s get to it. From now on, let’s unapologize for speaking up, for looking pretty, for taking Ubers, for taking buses, for being our age, hell, for eating carbs...for being single or for not being single, for crushing it at our jobs, or simply for prioritizing a life outside of our jobs. You name it, we want to hear it. Try it this week, tell us how it went.

The second is that our tendency to apologize stems from a strength, not a weakness.

We can easily read a room, silently sense how people feel, and we want, in turn, to make others feel comfortable. Verbally apologizing is a way of anticipating how people will feel and placating their reaction before they even have it. That’s why we apologize when someone bumps into us, when we assert ourselves in a meeting, when we ask for a favor. But it also makes us excellent negotiators, it makes us detail-oriented, it makes us perceptive, and it makes us successful businesswomen.

So, let’s make another pact. Let’s not turn our superpower into a weakness by apologizing before basic sentences anymore. Instead, let’s leverage our special powers to excel...to make it rain, to close a deal, to solve a problem, and to lead ourselves and those around us to greatness.

We know you shine bright, lady warriors.

Keep on #unapologizing.

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